What Did He Say?

Sometimes people use sayings or cliches to express themselves, and with me it backfires a little. Sometimes they say things, and although I know what they mean by the saying they choose, the saying itself doesn't make sense to me.  Not in the way they are intending.

Sayings that make no sense to me

• "She's as pretty as a picture!"
• I know this is supposed to be a compliment, but it doesn't have to be. What if the speaker is thinking of a picture of someone's gross, hairy butt? Eww!
  
  
• "He was sweating like a pig!"
• Um... pigs don't sweat, that's why they roll in the mud to keep cool, so, um ... What?
  
  
• "He was moving like a bat out of Hell!"
• Okay, this one is supposed to make us envision someone streaking along with amazing speed, but that doesn't work for me. When I picture a bat flying out of Hell, I see one that's fluttering here and there, not really making good time because he's all distracted by his ass being on fire.
  
  
• "What are you, some kind of smart ass?"
• I know this is a question rather than a saying, but it still makes no sense to me. If the person you are asking actually is a smart ass, then asking that question is a little like walking into the ring with Mike Tyson while wearing a "Punch Me" sign on your chest, and really, why would you do that to yourself?
  
• "He was really shooting his mouth off!"
• Usually this is in reference to the above smart ass and his ilk, but all it does for me is conjure images of a failed suicide attempt where the guy tried to 'eat his gun' and had really bad aim...
  
  
• "They stood eye-to-eye."
• Um ... eww? Toe-to-toe, okay. Nose-to-nose even, okay. But eye-to-eye?
  1st guy: "Ouch!"
  2nd guy: "What's the matter?"
  1st guy: "I have something in my eye!"
  2nd guy: "Yeah, I know. It's me!"

Okay, that's enough. I don't want to punish you too much; you may not come back!

Talk to you later!