Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mail Bag! 7-7-11

Well, another month's gone by, and I decided it was time to take a look at my junk e-mail folder and see what ridiculousness has been transferred to me through the ether without my permission in the past 30 days. Like I did before, I'll just choose a few, tell you who sent them, why, and what my thoughts are on the matter at hand. Just for fun, I'll put them in alphabetical order.
On we go!

AARP Renewal:
How can I renew my subscription to AARP? I may look 54, but I'm really 42. I've never even had a subscription to AARP! How can I renew it? I'm thinking that there are some AARP members running things over there, and they're not quite with it...

CVS ExtraCare:
Look, I don't care what they're trying to tell me. I object to the whole name: ExtraCare. I've dealt with those people, and maybe it wasn't the people involved, maybe it was the system they had to work in, but 'ExtraCare' seems like a bit of a fabrication. 'CVS IDon'tCare' seemed more like it! If you want to know what I'm talking about, check out my blog entry titled 'Here's Your Medicine ... Psyche!'. You'll see what I mean.

Digital Deals: Perfect Portion Plates:
These are apparently plates for those who are unaware that they are overeating. Oh, I know I'm overeating! You give me a small plate and all that happens is I have to fill it twice! Unless I'm going to lose huge amounts of weight from walking back to the stove time and again, these plates aren't going to do a thing for me!

Language Learning: Trick Your Brain into Learning a New Language!
Why in Hell would I want to trick my own brain? I can get by with English, I have so far. Now, if I was going to travel to another country, then yes, sure, I'd be interested in this. But I'm in America, dammit, and as long as I have a forefinger so that I can press 1 for English, I think I'll manage.
By the way, have you seen this blog? I think I have enough trouble just with English. You throw another whole language in there and my brain might just trick me back and explode!

Pogo Games: New Clue Episodes, Just for You!
Dear Pogo people, please listen closely: I have never played Pogo! Please stop sending me emails like I just logged out of a 27 hour gaming session on your site!

Satellite Internet: Find a Provider Near You!
Okay, try to pay attention, Satellite people. I have internet access. How else do you think I am reading this email advertisement of yours? You may be trying to tell me that your service is better than what I already have, but your ad doesn't inspire confidence. Not when you tell me that "Satellite Internet works just as good as DSL or regular cable internet."
Just as good?
Isn't it 'Just as well'? And this complaint coming from a guy who claims that English gives him trouble?
Why don't you just say "Satellite Internet: It's just gooder!" How about "Satellite - It's the bestest!"

Wen by Chaz Dean: WEN - Your secret to great hair days!
Ok, Wen, I have a secret too: I'm completely bald! How's that for a secret! Way to rub my nose in it, Wen! Like I'm gonna buy anything from you now, you insensitive $#&*!!

Okay, that's it for tonight. I have to stop, I'm all worked up at that Wen thingamadoodle up there!

As a side note: I believe that's the forst trime I havde ever tried to spell out "thingamadoodle", and I use that word quite a bit. There you go, a WYMOP first, and you were here for it! That'll make quite a story to tell the grandkids!

Ah, who am I kidding. Most people are too ashamed to admit they read this schlock at all, never mind bragging about it!


Talk to you later!

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