Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What A Funny Guy!

Some of you may know, heck, all of you may know, that I drive a Jeep. A grand Cherokee. It started out with the Laredo package, but at the moment it's got the "duct tape and hope" package.

There are a few things wrong with it, sure. I've been adding coolant to it every month since I bought the thing. At one point I had a transmission leak, but it "healed". I don't know what else to call it - one month there was a leak in it, the next, the leak was gone and it hasn't come back. That was almost 2 years ago now. The only other cars I've ever heard of that could do that were Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang, Herbie the Love Bug, and that other one... what was it called? From the Stephen King movie. Oh yes. Christine.Yeah... I think it's more like that one, actually.

I've had a fan replaced, a new water pump, thrown a rod (twice, actually) and a host of other stuff. Right now what I have is a weak oil pump. I can watch the pressure drop while I drive, right down to zero.

But that's not what I'm here tonight to talk about. It's the whistle.

My Jeep whistles. Loudly. Constantly. While I'm driving, while I'm standing still, coasting, cruising, whatever - I have a whistle. And it's maddening.

My brother-in-law is a mechanic, and he says it might be the air-filter. If the cover's not on tight, or cracked so it's not sealing properly, that could create a whistle. It should be easy to check that, right? I mean, even I know where the air filter is located. All I should have to do is open the hood and give a listen. Follow my ears. Maybe even lean on the filter cover to see if the whistle changes in pitch. Something like that. Anything like that.

But there's a problem. The whistle stops. Not when I want it to, like when I'm running on to work late and the parking lot is -full of my co-workers and I just don't feel like hearing about my whistling car all morning. Then the damn thing whistles a tune, "Zippidy-Doo-Dah" coming out from beneath my hood to make certain to capture everyone's attention! No. Not then. The whistle stops when it wants to stop, and that appears to be every time I stop to give it a listen!

I tried this afternoon when I left work. I was driving along, the damn thing whistling away. I wasn't in a hurry for once, so I decided to give it another try. Up ahead, past the stop light I was sitting at, was a parking lot - the perfect place to pull in and pop the hood.

I was stopped at the light. The jeep was whistling.

I pulled up to the light. The Jeep was whistling.

I turned into the parking lot. The Jeep was whistling.

I pulled into a parking spot preparatory to getting out to finally giving it a good listen and isolating the cause of the whistle. The whistle died.

I stepped on the gas, trying to make the whistle come.


But now I know what it is. He's tipped his hand again, and I've figured it out.

If I had chosen that exact moment to look skyward, rather than kicking my Jeep and shouting curses across an empty, uncaring parking lot, I might have seen something in the clouds. It's been referred to before, but not by me. Most people simply call it the Finger of God.

The Finger of God. It's been seen pointing at sinners in condemnation. It's been seen stretching forth to grant Adam the spark of Life. But no one's ever reported seeing it as I would have seen it, bouncing and jiggling rhythmically up and down, in time with His shoulders, which shake in time to the motion of His belly.

God is laughing and pointing at me.

I picture him up there in Heaven, one finger pointing me out to His friends, the other poised on the Switch.

"Look at him," I picture Him saying. "Keep your eye on him! He cracks Me up! There he goes, there he goes! Look! He's heading for a parking lot again! let's see if I can time this right - wait! What am I saying, of course I can time it right! I'm God for My sake! I created Time! Look, look, right when he gets out to pop the hood.. and... now!"

And He flips the Switch.

And the whistle stops.

And I lose my mind a little more.

And the pointing finger of God shakes with His laughter.

And I know how the Platypus feels.

Talk to you later!

Talk to you later!

1 comment:

  1. Oh. My....no I won't say it.
    Try and have a good day...maybe?