Saturday, August 20, 2011

Prepare To Die!

Have you ever seen "The Princess Bride"? I have. It's a wonderful movie with an amazing cast and the story is terrific. If you haven't ever seen it, I suggest you do. It is appropriate for children, and one day, long ago, I sat down and watched it with Handsome. He was only four at the time so he didn't understand a lot of it, but there are colorful characters, plenty of action (No blood) and I firmly believe that every child in the world should see Andre the Giant in action at least once.
Handsome loved the whole show, but what really caught his eye was the sword fight. For those of you who have not seen it, there is a lengthy, very flashy duel right in the middle of the movie. Right before the duel, the character of Inigo Montoya (played by Mandy Patenkin) explains to his opponent that he has searched for his father's killer for 20 years. When he finds him, he plans to look him in the eye and say "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." After this explanation, they begin their amazing duel.
This duel absolutely captured my son's imagination. For the rest of the weekend he would occasionally stop what he was doing and square off with me. He would turn sideways and raise one hand while keeping that elbow down, imitating the fencing stances he'd seen in the movie. The hand would go up by his chin, palm facing in, and he would say "I am Montana.You killed my father. Prepare to die!" Then he would come dancing toward me, thrusting his hand like a sword.
Oh my God, it was adorable!
At least, it was adorable until Monday, when we got the call.
"Hello? This is Mrs.S- down at -" She named Handsome's pre-scool. It was one of his teachers. The somewhat manly one.
"Uh, yes? Is anything wrong?"
"Well, yes. We are having a problem down here with Handsome."
"A problem?"
"Yes, and I'm quite concerned."
I was becoming quite concerned myself.
"I wouldn't usually make a call like this, but I'm becoming concerned for the safety of the other children."
Now I was worried.
"Mrs. S-? What exactly is the problem?"
She paused.
"Well, Handsome keeps pointing at the other children and telling them to 'prepare to die'. Once or twice I would consider to be playing, but he has done it quite a few ... excuse me, but are you laughing?"
Yes. Yes I was.
One - She was talking like she was worried about another Columbine. Because of the antics of a four-year old with a loaded finger.
Two - It's a great movie, she should see it someday.
Three - It's a four year old boy pretending to be in a sword fight. If you can't recognize a child using their imagination, then you shouldn't be working with them in the first place. Retire and take up knitting.
Talk to you later!
P.S. - I almost forgot. Mrs. S- did retire the next year. I have no idea about the knitting.


  1. I guess it's a good thing you didn't show him "Predator..." No bluehaired Zero Tolerance weenie needs to hear, "You are one UGLY Moth#^$#$^!" before she settles in to a knitting career...

  2. Actually, I'm pretty sure she DID hear that one...