Remember those old television commercials for Krazy Glue? The ones with the construction worker, a big, burly guy with a hard hat who glued that hard hat to the girder above him on a construction site? He'd press the hat to the girder for about 10 seconds while the voice-over, some guy with a voice so smooth it made you have to go to the toilet, went on about Krazy Glue; How fast the glue was, and all the things it would bond, really going over the top about this stuff and making it sound just incredible! He kept talking, but all we were really doing was watching that big guy sticking his hard hat to the girder. And then, when the guy with the Ex-Lax voice had run out of things to say about Krazy Glue, we all watched, fascinated, as the big guy grabbed that hard hat and clutched it to his head. With rapt attention we all watched this guy pick up his feet and hang from the safety hat that had only taken seconds to bond to that girder. He started to kick, waving his legs about with maniacal energy and shouted to the camera, "It's Krazy!"
What ever happened to that guy? Do you think he's jealous of other actors who had a single hit commercial, but we somehow remember who they are while he's been forgotten?
I mean, look at Mikey, the kid from the Life cereal commercials. For crying out loud, the kid didn't even have a line! The other kids in the commercial had all the lines! All this Mikey character had to do was eat the cereal and manage to not vomit it back up on camera. They could have used a dog! This kid gets rumors spread about him dying from eating pop rocks and pepsi, and there are "Where are they Now" retrospectives about him on VH1.
Messy Marvin? He makes chocolate milk while managing not to get it everywhere.
And from this he gets a movie career that lands him the starring role in "A Christmas Story"? We see him in a holiday classic every year! All because he can stir liquid chocolate into a glass of milk. Really?
Small Shots. Does anyone even remember Small Shots? Little tiny dolls with wheels that you could roll? In this commercial there was a little girl who was in the frame for about 3 seconds. She rolled one of these horrible, un-fun toys in front of a dog's nose, teasing it. Does anyone care about this little girl? I mean, other than the fact that she's teasing a dog on camera? No. But what does this little girl parlay this insipid performance into?
She grew up to be Jodi Foster.
How fair is all this? I mean, this guy, this forgotten man, did such a wonderful job in his commercial that even now, decades later, if you buy some Krazy Glue there is a cartoon of a construction worker in a hard hat hanging from a beam on the package! They're even using new guys performing the same stunt in their new commercials.
Who was this construction worker, and where is he now? I have no idea. I picture him as an old man now, wandering some beach down in Florida with black socks, sandals, a metal detector and a far away look in his eyes. Everyone avoids him, and they all say he's out of his mind; but if you get close enough to him, and you're quiet and listen, you can still hear him murmur to himself occasionally: "It's crazy!"
So I choose tonight to salute that old man, that actor extraordinaire who sold us all so well on the idea that a permanent bond can be made in 10 seconds or less. Here's to you, old man! We remember you, and we honor you!
It's taken me longer than usual to type all this out tonight, and when I explain why you will see just where my blog topic came from, my inspiration, as it were.
While repairing a broken BlueTooth headset earlier this evening, I somehow managed to accidentally Krazy Glue my left thumb to my desk. I can't even explain it, it all happened so fast.
Man, this stuff is Krazy!
Talk to you later!