Saturday, August 13, 2011


Being bald, as I am, has an amazing number of advantages. For example:
  • When I walk or run I am aerodynamic.
  • When I swim I am hydrodynamic.
    • (When I dive, I am both.)
  • I know it's raining before anyone else.
  • Haircuts (not styling, just a plain old cut) cost from $10-$15, but I haven't had a haircut in 12 years.
  • I don't get bed-head.
  • I don't get hat head.
  • Being caught in the rain does not ruin my day.
    • High winds also fit into this category
  • I don't ever have a bad hair day, though I have been known to have a wild hair across my ass.
  • I don't own a comb or brush.
  • I don't have to buy shampoo or conditioner.
  • I don't ever waste time washing, rinsing, or repeating. Especially the repeating.
  • My hair never gets in my eyes, caught in anything, or pulled.
  • I will never again have gum in my hair.
  • I don't have to worry if my sideburns are straight. Sideburns? What sideburns?
  • I am easily describable, having an eerie resemblance to Mr. Clean, Dr. Evil, the "Have a Nice Day" logo, the WalMart Rollback Guy, Pac-Man, and most emoticons.
  • Whenever someone finds a hair in their food, drink, or pretty much anywhere else people tend to find hair where it doesn't belong, no one ever points the finger at me.
  • I have a bitchin' hat collection.
  • I have never found a gray hair.
    • Except for my beard. Oh, and my chest. Oh, and ... uh... nevermind.
  • Sometimes it's fun to go into a Salon that has a "Walk-Ins Welcome" sign in the window, park my butt in the chair and watch the woman's face in the mirror when I say "Juuuuust a little off the top, please!"

    So you see, there are many advantages to being bald.

     ... so why do I still miss my hair?

    Talk to you later!

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