Mail Bag! 8-11-11

Okay, I'll try to run through this quickly, so you can stop wasting time here and get back to FaceBook, where things are really important. I'm going to run through the Junk folder in my email program and see what got stuck in there in the past 30 days or so. I'll pull out a few choice little tidbits, and you can see how my junky ridiculousness stacks up against your own!
I'll give you the From, the Subject, and my immediate response. Got it? Good.

• Free Lobster - "Limited Time: Free Red Lobster Dinner Details Inside"
• I don't eat lobster. Sorry, but it crawls on the bottom of the ocean eating he stuff that fish either won't eat, or have actually already eaten. I'll pass.
  
• Eagle America - "ORDER NOW Before We Go On Vacation!"
• Don't tell me what to do!
  
  
• Digital Deals - "Don't throw your iPad away - get this for it"
• I can't throw my iPad away. I don't own one. Thanks for pointing that out. Why don't you take your whatever-it-is and shove it up your ...
  
• Sporty's Tool Shop - "Make yard work simple"
• I have made yard work simple. I have a son. Beat that, Sporty!
  
• Elementary Teachers Wanted - "Become a Teacher. Learn How."
• Am a teacher. Know how.
  
• Sheer Cover Makeup - "Free Sheer Cover Makeup Introductory Kit"
• I know I look bad, no need to point that out, thank you very much. There's a reason I have no picture on my homepage!
  
• AARP - "Robert, Sign Up for the AARP Travel Newsletter Today"
• I'm 42. I know I look bad (see above) but you're jumping the gun a little here. Why don't you take your newsletter and pretend it's a whatever-it-is (see further above).
  
• Wen by Chaz Dean - "WEN: Your secret to great hair days"
• Look. You people have contacted me before. Nothing has changed, I still make Pac-Man look hairy. Why don't you leave me alone? Maybe the AARP needs your services. You could check their newsletter. But first you'd have to stick your head up there to read it...
  
• Digital Deals - "It's like an etch-a-sketch notepad"
• Terrific. I shake my head and the idea goes away, so I'm going to buy a notepad where if you shake it the note goes away?
  Duh?
  
• CVS/Pharmacy Extracare - "REMINDER: Get 25% Off This Weekend!"
• No offense, but I'd rather add 50% on to this weekend! A 3-day weekend would be pretty nice right about now!
  
• Handy Toolbox - "How to Suck at Fixing a Flood"
• I think I got it covered. I can suck at fixing just about anything.
  
• Digital Deals - "Rub-a-dubba-dub it's a shower deal today"
• Look, that's just way too cutesy for me. I refuse to even open that one!

Okay, I guess that about covers the highs (read: lows) of what hit my junk email folder in the past month.
Do you get junk mail every month that is beyond junk? Would you like to share? I'd love to hear about any of them. Please, grab the mouse, tickle the keys and leave me a Comment.

I'll be here all week!

Talk to you later!