Some Assembly Required

Christmas Morning:

"Merry Christmas, Dad!"

"Merry Christmas, Handsome."

"Can you hurry? Please?"

"C'mon, boy, I'm working as fast as I can!"

"I know, but it was on my Christmas list, and I really want to play with it!"

"I understand that, Kiddo, but it needs to be put together. See right there, where it says 'some assembly required'? Do you know what that means?"

"No. What?"

"It's Modernese for 'Handsome needs to have some patience'." 

"No it's not!"

"Yes, it is! Once we finish here I can show you -I'll Google it. You know about my Google-fu."

"Dad! Your Google-fu is not strong! There's no such thing!"

"Ah, Grasshopper, you have no idea."

"C'mon Dad! How much longer? You've been working on this for a half-hour now!"

"Has it been that long? Well, look, Handsome, I only have two hands. Why don't you help me, and maybe if we work together we can get this done more quickly. What do you think?"

"Fine."

"Good. Alright, uh, then hand me that screwdriver there. No, the other one, the flat-head. Thank you. Okay, now, if you could take that adjustable wrench and get a hold of that right there, on the other side..."

"You mean here?"

"Yes, that's it. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Okay, hold that so I can't turn it from over here. Yes... that's the way. Excellent! Alright, grab that hammer. No, wait, you give me that hammer and you take the big one. I'll be hitting this screwdriver like a chisel, so I want to be a little careful. Okay, I need to chisel it here. And here. And here. And, I guess, right here. I think."

"When do I get to hit it?"

"You hit it right now."

"Where?"

"Hit it right there. Good, now there. Good, good. Now the last shot right here, but it has to be a good one. No, I said a good one. Harder than that. Harder. Look, Handsome, I said harder, what are you, some sort of  Nancy  Boy? There you go! Nice shot! And with that, we're done. Now, that didn't take too long, did it?"

"Long enough."

"You're right. But it did go faster once we were working on it as a team, right?"

"I guess so. What now?"

"Well, now that we  got that darn plastic bubble container open, I guess we can start assembling it."

Talk to you later!