Friday, December 23, 2011

Just A Little Everything

"Oh! Dad! Come here! C'mere, c'mere!! Look! That's it! Look, look, look!"
I rush into the TV room, and I follow his pointing finger, my gaze sliding along his arm (which is, I notice fairly quivering with emotion and longing) until it slips off the tip of his finger and falls smack into the television screen. There I see a commercial.
But it's not just any commercial.
This is a commercial for something Handsome wants!
...and what differentiates this commercial for something Handsome wants from all the other commercials for things Handsome wants?
Why, it happens to be playing on the television right now!
What is it a commercial for, you ask? I know, I can hear you; 'He's going on about this commercial, but what's it about?' Well I'll tell you what it's about.
Handsome wants Everything.
If they can present it well, or even present it poorly but have a good pitchman, or even have no pitchman at all but merely a still photo and a robotic voice-over, he wants it. I'm convinced that if they could get a high enough shine on a dog turd, and present it to him through the medium of television, Handsome would want at least two of them. One for each of them, should his best friend come over to play.

Handsome, if you're reading this: No, you can't have Everything.
To quote George Carlin, "where would you put it?"
I would further ask "who's going to buy the batteries for it?"
I might finish by querying "... and who, pray tell, did you have in mind to clean up, after you have finished playing with Everything?"

That's the one for me, right there, that's the deal-breaker. The cleaning up part.
Tell you what, Handsome: you consistently put your coat away when you come in the house, rather than just dropping it on the floor where ever you happened to take it off, and maybe we'll talk about getting you Everything.

I'm feeling pretty safe here.

Talk to you later!

No comments:

Post a Comment