I was trying to deliver package after package this afternoon, and I climbed into the back of the mail truck in order to bring some boxes up front with me so I could deliver them more easily. I was trying to collect together all the packages for the area I was currently parked in, when I saw one on the floor, on the far side of a stack of packages right in front of me. I bent over the stack, placing my left hand on the top box for balance and support as I reached down.
Suddenly there was a loud voice in the back of the mail truck with me, shouting at me. I dried out (something unprintable here, I'm certain) and jumped, straightening as I did so. Between the jump and the straightening, I whacked the back of my head a good one against the truck ceiling. The back of my neck struck the taut counterweight cable for the rear rolling door, though luckily it wasn't hard enough to cut the skin.
I fought to clamp down hard on every sphincter currently possessed by my body (since certain fluids were trying to escape my body like rats fleeing from a foundering ship) and I looked around frantically for the source of the voice. I saw no one, and had not made out what it was saying, but as I began to realize the voice had sounded familiar, no matter what it had said, it came again, loud and clear.
"I have a laser, and I will use it!"
It was the voice of Tim Allen, as Buzz Lightyear.
It was coming from the box beneath my left hand.
People, if you're going to ship some kind of a noise-making toy, especially the talking variety, please, I'm asking you please, turn them off. I almost soiled myself, and came close to decapitating myself, all because Pixar had themselves a hit. Or three.
Merry @#$%ing Christmas.
Talk to you later!