Thursday, September 15, 2011

Well Hydrated?

I didn't write the blog today at lunch, as I was not in the library. I was waiting for a call from my doctor about my appointment this afternoon, so I had my ringer turned on and the volume up (my phone is usually set to vibrate) and I had to be in a place where I could take a call. I wound up skipping lunch to get out of work a little earlier and having to call the doctor's office myself rather than waiting for the call-back. I went to the appointment, they did the blood draw, and I was out of there. I had made sure to hydrate before they tried to take my blood, and when I left the doc's I realized I was in dire need of a bathroom. Since I have to pass my parent's house on the way to visit Handsome, I stopped in there to use the facilities.
I let myself in and strolled into the downstairs bathroom. I was standing in front of the toilet, just doing my thing, when the phone on my hip rang. Loudly.
Remember how I said I usually keep it on vibrate only?
I shouted a four-letter word that is, coincidentally, usually associated with bathrooms. I know at least one of my feet left the floor; it may have been both, I'm not sure. Time went all funny, like in the Matrix movies, and I had an excellent, almost slow-motion view of, uh, I'll say 'fluid dynamics'.
I came within a hair of urinating all over the bathroom wall.
I said a couple more choice curse words as the phone continued to ring. When I was all done I zipped, flushed, and stepped out in to the kitchen, snatching the phone from my belt on the way. I stabbed a button and plastered the mobile to my head.
Good, that was good. I didn't sound like someone who makes the children in 'remedial toilet training' look like flipping geniuses.
"Hello? Is this Rob?"
"Yes." So far, so good.
"Do you have a minute, sir? I'd like to talk to you about refinancing your house!"
I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it quizzically. I could hear the dude on the other end still yammering away, sounding a bit like a steroidal chipmunk. I put the phone very close to my mouth and spoke quite clearly.
I hung up.

Talk to you later!

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