Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Mean Little Dogs

What is it with mean little dogs? I mean the aggressive, seriously want-to-get-at-you and tear it up little dogs? I see dogs all the time, and I know there are all kinds of dogs, and aggressive dogs come in all sizes. But what's up with the little ones?

There are some dogs that are aggressive because they have been trained to be that way. You can tell those ones, the ones that have been trained to protect a property. They're usually good-sized dogs who are very aware of the property line, and they have the attitude that "Hey, Dude, this is the line of Death. You cross it, you die." I understand that, and I respect it. They are usually either penned up or tied in such a way that you can avoid them if you are careful. They are not a worry, not really.

Some dogs, usually medium to large sized dogs again, are aggressive through fear. These are the ones that people often have tied in their yard, but the leash runs from the collar to the hook beside the door. These dogs bark at you, but never charge. They just bark in a while lot if bluster, basically saying "Hey, Dude, this is the line of Death. You cross it, you die. Seriously, I mean it man, don't push me! I can't be held responsible if you push me man, so just stay over there. I'm gonna back up now, and you just stay over there! I'm warning you!"
These dogs aren't going to bite you unless they're cornered and panic. For instance, if they back onto their porch because that's where the other end of the leash is tied,and you come up to ring the bell or deliver the mail. Then they feel crowded and cornered and bite you out of fear, then run away barking "See? I warned you, Pal! Now you wait right there while I run for help! For you, I mean, help for you!"

Then there are the crazies. These come in all sizes as well, and with the larger ones you can tell where they live just by looking at the house. There are toddler-gates set up across all the windows on the ground floor to keep the insane animal in the house from coming right through the glass at you for having the gall to walk on their street!

 The smaller dogs usually wind up in this category. I have a couple of them on my route, actually. Little dogs, tiny dogs, like someone threw a collar on a rat and sold it to a nearsighted old lady as a lapdog. These dogs try to get out of the house at me, through the door and windows. They try to get off their ropes at me in the yard, or get under the fence if they know I'm on the other side; I can see their little muzzles and fore paws as they dig and scratch and snap at the fence, trying anything they can think of to get through and at me.
Even when they are being taken for a walk, not even near their houses, they see me and go right to the end of the leash, barking and snarling and clawing at the ground trying to drag their owners closer to me so they can just sink in a fang or two. They won't stop, heel, stay. or shut up, no matter what their owners say or do. Even when their exasperated humans scoop them up and try to comfort and quiet them, they continue to claw and scratch and snap their way toward me. Sometimes they hurt their humans in the process, and the humans always glare at me like I'm doing something wrong.

"You're looking right at me," I want to say. "Have I done anything? Have I even made eye-contact with your pooch? Can you please tell me anything I just did to make your dog act like someone took 10 lbs worth of aggression and anger and stuffed it into that 2 lb little bag of hair, and then set its ass on fire? No? Me either. Can you say 'pet therapy'?"

I think I do know what it is that makes those little dogs so aggressive, crazy aggressive like that. More aggressive that their larger counterparts. It's not their fault. It's not their human's faults.
It's those short little legs.
I think those short little legs mean that their junk, their genitalia, is constantly scraping and bouncing on the ground. I shudder to think about it, but have you noticed that it's never the little dogs that people carry that are aggressive? Never the pug that refuses to walk more than 5 steps and their humans just pick them up rather than argue? Never the little 'accessory dogs' that ride around in rich ladies purses all day? It's the little tiny dogs that get 'let out', and 'taken for walks' and are never carried around. All day long their 'junk' is smacking off the pavement, the lawn, the stairs ... my God, the stairs!
It's no wonder these little dogs get so over-the-top aggressive. If my junk was taking a beating all day I think I might have a bit of an attitude myself!

Talk to you later!

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