Saturday, June 11, 2011

Meteorological Accountability?

It's raining.
It was supposed to rain, but not right off. It was supposed to be a little crappy in the morning (Okay, they were calling it overcast  rather than crappy, but it amounts to the same thing) and rain in the afternoon sometime. It wasn't supposed to rain first thing in the morning and keep on all day.
But it did.
If you look in the back of my jeep, you will see two hanging racks, one front one back, upon which rest 6 fishing rods. This is not unusual, as there are always fishing rods in the back of the jeep. There have been as many as 20 or so, but that was for a special trip. 6 is about usual for me, just in case the opportunity arises.
I like to fish.
If you look on the back of my jeep you will see a 14 foot, three-man canoe strapped down to the roof-rack. One strap front, one back, with an extra safety line in the rear just in case it decides to leave without me on a turn. Hasn't happened yet, and I've driven with the thing up there at speeds in excess of 75 mph, but just in case...  The canoe being up there is a little unusual.
It's the weekend, and Handsome is with me. Looking for something to do with him, I thought of fishing.
I know. A guy who drives around carrying 6 fishing rods, just in case, thought of fishing. Go figure.
So yesterday I checked the weather. Overcast in the morning followed by rain in the late afternoon/evening. Chance of rain 30%.
Huzzah!  I thought,  I can work with that!
So, while I was at the House that Once Was Mine, I grabbed the flotation vests. I grabbed the paddles. I grabbed the anchor. I took the EZ Transport cart that really needs one tire blown up again before I strap it to the canoe and try to pull it anywhere. Then I grabbed the 14 foot, 90 lb, 3 man canoe, wrestled it onto the jeep roof and strapped it down. I was like the Grinch stealing Christmas, grabbing all the boxes and bags; I was actually looking to grab the Roast Beast. Handsome's fishing rod is one of the 6, so I was totally good to go for a morning canoe trip. Just drive out to the river, slap the boat on the water, and bang, fishing time's a go!
Then this morning came.
I stood there in the kitchen with the container of pancake mix in hand (yes, the pancakes have been fine, I have never had a replay of the Breakfast Gone Horribly Wrong), looking out the window at the rain pounding on the underside of my canoe as it lay there strapped to my jeep roof. I was picturing the meteorologist who made the forecast that I read yesterday sitting in his own kitchen. Eating his own pancakes. Looking out his own window. Seeing his own rain. In my mind, he looked smug. In my mind, he was unapologetic. In my mind he gazed out the window and said "whoops" with a smile, as he picked up the syrup.
In my mind, I entered his kitchen. In my mind, when he looked surprised to see me, I told him not to worry one bit, that there was just a 30% chance that I was going to key his car in the afternoon or evening, and no chance that I had just done it as I walked by the car on the way to his door. I said not to worry, that there was no chance at all that I had slipped ipicac into his syrup, and just a 30% chance that I had slipped anything else in there. And then, in my mind, as he began to look panicked, grabbed his stomach and vomited explosively onto his own breakfast table, I smiled, and looked smug, and said "whoops!"

"Huh?" I said.
Handsome had come into the kitchen, looking for breakfast, as I stood there gazing out the window, lost in thought.
"You said 'whoops'."
"I did?"
"Yeah. What's so funny?"
"Upstairs you were sad 'cuz of the rain. Why are you smiling now?"
"Uh ... I just love you, Handsome. Pancakes?"
"Yeah, sure."
He was looking at me oddly, and I guess I don't blame him. I have a powerful imagination, and it helps me with my writing. He has a good one too, and I figure he was trying to imagine why I would be staring out at the rain, smiling and talking to myself. I don't know if it would have comforted him to have me explain it.
Could I explain it?


The canoe is still up there, and I'll see what the sky is doing tomorrow morning. In the meantime I'll just go to bed and dream of things unheard of. Like meteorological accountability.

Meteorological accountability? Wow, I really do have a hell of an imagination!

Talk to you later!

P.S. - I almost forgot! If you'd like to guide me toward writing something funny, then please take a poke at the poll in the upper right of your screen. I actually do have funny stories, and you can help me choose one to tell you!


No comments:

Post a Comment