Mail Bag! 6-7-11

I was perusing someone else's blog, and I noticed that they had a "Mailbag" post. Hey, I thought,  why don't *I* have a "Mailbag"?
The answer was easy: I don't get mail at this blog. Sometimes I get comments, and every time I do a little Happy Dance, but that's not mail.
Well, I continued, I do have junk mail! Maybe I'll just read some of that!
So, that's what I'm doing. I'm going to look in my "junk" mail folder and see if there's anything interesting in there.
Hey, it could happen!
I'll keep it to within the past 30 days, and just see what's what.

Amazon.com:
I can see why I get mail from Amazon, I've purchased things there from time to time. At the moment, however, they are "Special Offering" me a Kindle for $114. That's terrific, but if they looked at their records they might notice that I tend to try for the free shipping, and sometimes I just browse and leave. If they really looked into it they might see that if I had $114, I wouldn't be researching books on Amazon and then slipping over to Half.com to actually buy them on the cheap!

Audible.com
I used  to see why I got mail from Audible, but I haven't downloaded an audiobook in years! They seem to keep sending me the same ones.
"Catching up on books has never been easier!" Yup. This one is true. Since I stopped buying them years ago, I kind of count myself as all caught up. Go figure.
"Our Desert Island Picks!" Yeah. If I was trapped on a desert island, I'd be sure and want an iPod. Oh, and a laptop to load it from. Ooh, and a reeeeeally long extension cord so I could charge that sucker. Oh! Oh! And a huge mother of a wireless card so the fricking thing could ... wait, what the hell is this, Gilligan's Island 2011? Skipperrrr ... !

Blockbuster on Demand:
I have never used Blockbuster on Demand. There is no demand. 'Nuff said.

Brookstone - Mystery Coupon! What will your savings be?
There's no mystery. I'm saving 100%. Me no buyee, me no payee, comprende?

Cafe World by Zynga:
One question: What the $%^# is a Zynga?

Half.com - "Sell your Textbooks and Earn Money!"
I've been out of school for more than 20 years. I can't remember yesterday, you think I know where the hell my textbooks are? This might as well say "Half.com. We are really, really high! Pass the Cheetoes!"

Okay, I think that's it for now. It's actually a little depressing. I was kind of hoping I'd have some sort of stereotypical penis-enhancement mailing, or online dating, or the ever-popular "penis enhancement through online dating" mailing to make fun of.
No dice.
Apparently they know a hopeless book-nerd when they see one.

Hey, wait... so then where's my book-nerd's offer for Mystery Coupon for an Amazon-produced audiobook on penis enhancement through online dating, from Half.Com On Demand, sponsored by Zynga?
That's it... I'm writing a letter!

Talk to you later!