Thursday, June 16, 2011

Motors and Magic

 I'm not a car guy. I'm not one of those guys who can tell you the pros and cons of different makes and models, I can't tell you top speeds or 0-60 times. I obviously don't work on cars, although I can change a tire, the oil, an air filter or brake pads. But slowly.
As far as the rest of the inner workings of the automobile, it is a magic box with wheels. The tall pedal on the right makes it go, the short pedal on the left makes it stop, the big round thing makes it turn. Throw in a third pedal and a gearshift, and I'm still okay. A little out of practice, but okay.
As far as the rest of it? A magic box with wheels.

My magic box broke.

Every revolution of the engine, one of the cylinders isn't firing right. It's popping, almost throwing a little backfire each time. I don't know how to fix it. I performed every magic box ritual I know. I swore and thumped the steering wheel. I said “no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO!” I got out of the magic box and opened the 'hood'. I wiggled something under there. I stood back and looked at it again. I moved forward and wiggled something else. I tried the key. No change.

Well, that's all I can think of to do. So now I'm sitting here, waiting for my DW, a guy I know who knows cars. He calls himself a mechanic. I call him a magician. Whatever. Either way I am massively impressed every time he gets results with my magic box with wheels. Oops! He's at the door now. I'll let you know how things go.

I'm back.
I just spent 2 hours holding things out of the way and handing other things to DW. I don't know what any of those things were, I was just doing what I was told. DW does explain everything he does as he's doing it, but that doesn't really work for me. I made the mistake once this evening of asking for a lengthier explanation of how a certain thing works. DW obliged me with an explanation. About four seconds into it, I lost track. By the time I thought I heard him say the words 'frumious bandersnatch', I decided I wasn't really going to get anything from it and stopped listening altogether.
Apparently I snapped a rocker bolt. How one does that, I don't know. Black magic? Bad Ju-ju?
I may never know.

DW will, as he says, “look for the part” tomorrow. I don't know where he goes, or what he does, or what pacts he has to make with dark forces, but he always finds the part. I help out by making the sign against the Evil Eye in the driveway. I don't care what DW says, I think it helps. DW left some of the guts of my magic box with wheels still apart, and he'll put it all back together tomorrow, when he has “the part”. Since it's all open like that, I put a circle of salt around the whole thing to keep evil spirits from getting in and taking up residence while we're gone.

I don't care what DW says. I think it helps.

We'll find out tomorrow.

Talk to you later!

No comments:

Post a Comment