Breakfast - Gone Horribly Wrong

Now, keep in mind that I do this, exactly the same way, every week with nary a hitch. My son, whom I'm calling Handsome for the purposes of this blog, likes the same thing for breakfast all the time. Microwave sausages, Bisquick instant pancake mix (just add water) and Handsome and I sit down to eat.

I began.

The sausages went in the microwave, 50% power for 5 minutes. Easy. The pan (non-stick teflon, the same one I use every time) went on the stove, with the burner set at 5, just like always. I added water to the fill line and shook the pancake mix for about 60 seconds, turning the bottle over and tapping the mix out of the bottom of the container to mix it fully, as per the directions. I poured out a pancake into the pre-heated pan and went to get a spatula.  By the time I came back, bubbles had stopped rising through the batter circle in the pan, indicating that it was ready to flip. I tried to flip it and found it stuck fast. To a non-stick pan.

I sighed.

I took the hot pan to the sink and scraped out what I could, then actually washed the pan. Dried it, put it on the burner again (after checking that the heat was set correctly at 5, like always) and got the butter. I lightly buttered the pan and tried again.

I wound up with a lightly buttered disc of batter stuck to the center of the pan. Slowly browning and burning as I pried at the edges.

Back to the sink.

I washed the pan.

Lightly oiled it this time, and tried again.

A lightly oiled disc of slowly burning batter, quite stuck in the pan.

Frustrated, I left this obviously cursed pan in the sink and got out a smaller, also non-stick pan. Not taking any chances, I lightly oiled this one right off the bat. I had enough batter left to start one pancake, so I did. While it was starting, I went to the cupboard and got out a second little jug of Bisquick instant batter, added water to the fill line, firmly replaced the cap and started shaking. As per the directions, I turned the jug over to tap the bottom and shake loose all the batter in order to make certain to mix it thoroughly.

Good thing I was still at the sink.

The cap shot off, banging into the sink, followed by most of the contents of the jug in one thick, slightly disgusting-looking splat.

Hoping to save something from all this, I dashed to the stove where I attempted to flip the lone remaining attempt at a pancake... only to shave the top layer of raw batter off of the slowly browning disc that was stuck to the center of the lightly oiled, non-stick pan.

People keep telling me that God has a sense of humor. I looked at the church that is actually quite visible from the kitchen window and shook my fist at it.

"Laugh it up, funnyman!"

I turned off the stove, threw away the sausages, washed all the dishes (both pans, the plates, everything) and went back upstairs where I had left Handsome watching classic Bugs Bunny on YouTube.

"Okay, where do you want to go for breakfast?"

He looked up at me.

"You aren't making breakfast?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

So I told him.

I'm a slow typist, and I've had time to write all this down, and he's still laughing at me.

We're going to Denny's.

Have a nice day.