Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Mail Bag! 10-5-11

Alright, another month has passed, and the Junk E-mail folder in my Windows Mail program has filled to overflowing once again. Huzzah! I have Junk Mail! I am alive!
So it's time once again for me to choose a few little gems from the list and tell you what I think. I never open these darn things, I just laugh at the Subject lines. Here we go: a few entries from my Junk E-mail folder; I'll give you the Sender and the Subject, and then my first thoughts on the matter. Ready? On we go!

  • Handy Toolbox - "A New Toilet That Won't Overflow"
    • The toilet I have now doesn't overflow. It sits there as it always has, water in the tank, water in the bowl, gravity doing its 'holding everything down' shtick. No worries. The only worry would be if I did get a toilet that made that claim. I, as you probably know by now, have a 9 year old boy. Little boys are all Evil Geniuses when it comes to slapping around a claim like that - they seem to look upon it as a challenge. I don't want to walk in the house some night to find water just running freely across the floor as Handsome struggles vainly to pull an entire summer wardrobe back out of the clogged toilet, looking at me with big blue eyes steeped in total innocence and saying "I don't know what happened, Dad!"

  • AARP - "Don't miss the opportunity to tell us what interests you"
    • I'll tell you what interests me, you simple sons of %&$es, somehow making you guys wait until I am at least close to retirement age before you start circling like vultures! I'm only 42, so please, stay away from my corpse, I'm still using it! Unless you all know something I don't know...?

  • Real Writing Jobs - "URGENT - Looking For Serious People"
    • Seriously?

  • Oriental Trading Company - "Halloween Sale! Up to 50% off + free shipping"
    • Huh? I was under the impression that Halloween was free. I've never done anything before, and it always just showed up! On time, every time. Whoever handles that account has been doing it up right for decades! Beats Hell out of Fed-Ex, UPS and even the Postal Service!
      ... So, who do I make the check out to?

  • Infinity Shoes - "Booties For Everyday Wear. Ships Free."
    • 'Booties'? I'm a 200 lb 42 year old man, and you're offering me booties?
      I'm sorry, that causes me to ask one simple question: Have you lost your mind?
      Work boots? Maybe.
      Motorcycle boots? Sure.
      Hiking boots? Yes, certainly, send them right along. But booties? I think someone needs to stop by your shop and give you a 'bootie' in the @$$!

Well, that's it for now. Highlights from another month's worth of crap people email me that I neither want nor need. What about you? Yes, I'm talking to you. Do you get anything in your Junk E-mail file that makes you blink a couple of times, shake your head and say "What the hell were they thinking?"
I'll bet you do. 
Let's hear it then. Right down there in the "Comments" box, drop me a little description of the most ridiculous thing that wound up in your Junk file in the past month. Something short, just so's we get the gist. After all, I just did five!
I'd love to hear from you. 
Oh, and if you're interested in my fiction at all, and it is quite a bit different from this blog, here's a link to get you to my website - The Storyteller. Just click it here, and read it there.

Talk to you later!

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