Special Rules

There are special rules.
Traveling, double-dribbling (hell, quadruple-dribbling) and up-and-down is all allowed for him.
I cannot grab a rebound out of the air, it has to hit the ground before I can touch it. I can try to box him out but I can't just stand there and grab it before it gets down to him at all. If I grab or even intentionally re-direct the ball before it hits the ground, then it's his ball, possession taken from the top of the key, duly checked.
If I do manage to get a hold of a rebound I have to clear the ball at the top of the key, whether he's hit the rim or not. He never has to clear it at all. Just has to grab it from anywhere and shoot.
He is allowed to pretty much maul me on Defense, and has done everything up to and including hitting me in the nuts. (I cry foul on the nuts thing. Well, first I cry, then I cry foul.)

So, even with all these rules in place to make it as even as possible, negating the fact that I am a foot and a half taller than he is, and my arms are much longer, how old does it make me seem that a nine-year-old beat me at 1-on-1 basketball this afternoon?

Pretty old, huh? Yeah ... you can say it.

I'll just be over here tuning up my walker, you know, putting fresh tennis balls over the feet, stuff like that.

Talk to you later!

...if I can find my teeth, that is. Dangit! I left them around here somewhere...