Wednesday, November 23, 2011


If you've never had laryngitis, well good for you. I've lost my voice before, and each time is a trip! So, for those of you who have never lost your voice entirely, here's a few things you've missed out on.

  • The strangest cough you're ever heard. It sounds a little bit like a cat hacking up a hairball, bit it's nowhere near as productive. Lots of air comes out, not much sound, and it's about as satisfying as scooping up what looks to be a delicious piece of fruit or candy, only to find it's made of wax. Lots of wind up and anticipation, matched by lots of disappointment.
    • Do not try, as I did, to just cough again and again, hoping for a different result. All you get is a sore throat, and Satisfaction seems to be off enjoying somewhere sunny.
  • Friends and co-workers who think it is the height of humor to wait until you are in the middle of saying something, then lean right into your face and yell "What!?" at the top of their lungs.
    • Do not try, as I did, to ask them not to do that. All that happens is you get a second face full of "What!?"
  • Friends and co-workers who do not find it funny at all that you have lost your voice, and show that concern by asking what happened.
    • Here's how it goes:
      • She : "Oh my God, have you lost your voice?"
      • Me : Nod.
      • She : "That's terrible! How did it happen?"
      • Me : Stands there staring at her, quietly wondering just how the Hell she expects me to answer that?
  • Trying to explain something to someone, where there is no give-and-take in the conversation but instead a long, whispered monologue by you, actually becoming physically debilitating.
    • In trying to be heard by the party you are explaining to, you tend to try to stage-whisper, in other words you are whispering as loud as you can. This, apparently, takes quite a bit more air, thus quite a bit more breath, than does normal speech.
      If you keep blowing out, and blowing out, constantly like that without taking some sort of break, you can make yourself a little dizzy, and you will have to have a seat. If you are already seated you can unknowingly make yourself quite dizzy indeed.
      If this happens, do not, as I did, attempt to get up. The results can be disastrous for you, though it appears they are amazingly funny to one's son.
There's probably more, but I may have forgotten it due to lack of oxygen when I almost passed out explaining Handsome's new wrestling program to him.

Talk to you later, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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