Monday, May 16, 2011

Logan on a Monday

Hello from Colorado!

Okay, I was at Logan this morning, flying out here, and I was struck by just a few thoughts.


  • People with small children - Security at Logan is the perfect place to take your child if they are learning how to dress; they have plenty of examples to follow. Everyone's either tying their shoes, putting on a belt, etc. And some of them are doing it in such a hurry that you have examples of what not to do. "See that man there? The one who is walking funny? Look closely, you'll see his shoes are on the wrong feet. Don't do that."
  • The sign in front of the big bio-scanner, that you can read as you approach the machine, is not explicit enough. "Stand with your feet in the footprints on the floor. Raise your hands so they are above your head, palms facing out." It's so confusing! It should mention that the footprints on the floor by the sign are just a mock-up, and you don't actually have to do that until you you are in the machine. While I was there some poor bastard stood in the mock-up footprints, outside the machine, hands raised and waiting for the all clear. Quite a few people were laughing at the guy. Luckily one of the security personnel came and asked him to repeat the maneuver inside the machine.  So I did. Thank you TSA Agent Darla. I appreciated it.
  • Anhidrosis is not a great thing to have on a plane (For more on Anhidrosis, please see my entry titled "No Sweat, No Problem... Not Really!"). Plenty of bodies in a steel tube, no dearth of body heat. Thank god for that little personal air thingie. It's a life-saver. Especially when you're bald. Quite the little rush!
  • There is no farting on a plane. See above paragraph on anhidrosis. Steel tube. 'Nuff said.
  • Lastly, a flight seems to be different things for different people. For some people it is a chance to get to know your neighbor, to make a new friend, to be social. For others it seems to be a time for looking straight ahead and not talking and never making eye-contact with the people around them.  The guys reading this will understand if I say that for these people it's a little like spending five hours standing at the urinal in a public bathroom. No talking!
There was other stuff; the flight crew was a riot, I was napping and got a hell of a stiff neck. I was so visibly happy with the air thingie that I'm pretty sure the woman seated next to me thought I was special needs. I'd have asked her but she was one of the urinal people. No talking!

Well, that's all I have for today. Once again, thank you Agent Darla. Talk to you all later!
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1 comment:

  1. You're not alone. There's a ski area in Vermont with a gondola lift. The lift has a unique rescue system in case of a problem with the machine that makes it go: There's a roll of string under one seat. You remove the string, and either hold onto, or tie the end to something, and throw the spool out the window. The rescue crew then attaches a large rope that you pull up, thread through a pulley in the roof, and out the opposite window.... the rope is long enough to reach the ground, and ultimately hauls up a bicycle seat on a pole that you sit on, and the crew lowers you, on the seat, via the rope and pulley, to safety.

    Simple right?

    Except the directions read:

    "IF THE LIFT STOPS DO NOT PANIC. WAIT FOR THE RESCUE CREW TO ARRIVE BELOW YOU. REMOVE THE SPOOL OF STRING FROM BELOW YOUR SEAT. THROW THE SPOOL OF STRING OUT OF THE WINDOW."

    Wait a minute... hold on to what?

    At least the key to open the door doesn't arrive before the "seat on a pole" does.

    As to the demonstrator footprints -- well, at least you were at the airport security checkpoint, and not the colonoscopy lab, though, these days it might be hard to prove it.

    Excelsior.

    Noah E

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