Friday, June 7, 2013

Letters From Anonymous

Greetings WYMOP readers!

Some of you who may have been keeping tabs on me here at While You’re Making Other Plans for a while may recall a monthly feature I used to have, called ‘Mail Bag’. In ‘Mail Bag” I would go through the junk mail folder in my email program and pull out certain little gems. I wouldn’t actually open any of the junk, but would post my first impressions and some off-the-top-of-my-head answers based solely on who they were from and their subject headings.

Some of my favorites were the emails I was getting from the AARP while I was just forty-two years of age (thank you very much, that’s terrific for my self-esteem) and the ones I was getting from WEN Hair Care, promising they had just the right product for me (I have been shaving my head completely bald for the past 14 years. Know your target audience, people.)

Now, ‘Mail Bag’ was discontinued when I shifted WYMOP from a daily blog to a weekly, and I have occasionally missed it when I looked in my Junk Mail folder and seen a hum-dinger just sitting there. For example:

“Swwitch to solar power, cut your electriic biill inn hhalf”

Like I want to take technical advice from someone who can’t seem to get the hang of basic keyboard operations? I know it’s probably a machine-generated message... but doesn’t that actually make it worse?

Anyhoo, this week I’d like to introduce you all to a new feature here at WYMOP:  Anonymous Comments.

Sometimes you may see me politely asking (read: abjectly
begging) for comments in order to see if anyone out there is really reading this drivel. Sometimes you’ll see comments posted... but most often you do not. This is not to say I haven’t received any comments, but that most, if not all, of them were from my friend, Anonymous.


— Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Paging Dr. House, Dr. Gregory House...":
Hi, I read your blogs regularly. Your humoristic
style is witty, keep it up!

Also visit my web site - League of legends hack

— Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Dis-Appointment":
Through evolution and with the add devotion people experience the oneness with
It. Garth Brooks springs to finally mind immediately.

Also visit my webpage ... borelioza

— Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Dis-Appointment":
They're asked why is their music 'western' only. A single major festival came to be held in 1986 called the Festival of the 10 Summer.

My page: borelioza

— Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Dis-Appointment":
Your preparation will make you the sale more have a tendency to than the powerpoint presentation itself.
To prepare for a fight, create a ability and conditioning program.

my blog: ochrona przeciwpożarowa

As you can see, my buddy Anonymous is a prolific blog-commenter. He just has this small problem with... oh, I dunno... making sense?

I assume that my anonymous comments are all machine-generated posts created with the intention of getting links to their websites (links which I have removed here) posted onto other websites and blogs, thus creating the possibility of pulling some cross-web traffic back to their own sites. Either that, or they’ve hired the mono-toothed, dirt-faced, mute hillbilly banjo-boy featured so prominently in the movie “Deliverance” and what I’m really doing here is an inadvertent webisode of “Where Are They Now?”

If that is the case, then hello there, Banjo, you’re doing a terrific job and I really like your webpage, borelioza!

Yeah. Sure. Now back to reality. Though I save you all from the possibility of accidentally clicking on one of their links and falling down the internet’s version of Alice’s rabbit hole by moderating my Comments (and I never pull a comment from a real person. I put all of those through, whether I like them or not.), I do sometimes find myself sitting in front of my monitor and saying “What the hell...?”

I have no idea exactly who slaps these comments together, or what method they use, but I do know what quite often they strike me right on the funnybone. Right now on WYMOP, I’d like to share a few of my favorites from the past month, as well as some of the responses that floated through my head as I read them. I’ve cut out everything but the actual comments to save time... and here we go:

  • Funny t-shirts are the way to buy. Correctly the answer is simple; you could certainly effortlessly find thought over the cyberspace.
      • Um... no. I’m thinking the one thing you could not ‘effortlessly find’ would be thought — not in cyberspace, inner space, or outer space.
  • And it has to be practiced caringly to take care of the natural sound completely. This is a good way of enriching your knowledge of your love music.
      • Yes... that was just so natural sounding... right...
  • A definite very good family law lawyer will boost you to build and maintain emotionally charged equilibrium. This team is able to handle the different looking at aspects of your case.
      • Bizzaro Lawyer? (Trust me, this response is hysterical to anyone who reads Superman comics or DC Comics in general. Quick — go find a DC comics fan and read this to them. Just be prepared to pick up their ass for them, they’ll be laughing so hard!)
  • Which will help hold the apple cuts from getting brown. So why just not decorate your student's bedroom with hippo kids bedding.
      • ...Um... what?
  • You will seek many more ways to sell your possibility if you just listen. That means the application relates better to positively your needs.
      • You see this one is important because I’ve been looking for a way to sell my possibility, and I’m desperate for some way to positively my needs. Oh, yeah baby, positively my needs!
  • Single ladies at the bars and clubs are very rarely looking for some time term commitment. Leave several ins of liner with settling and attainable adjustments.
      • Okay, ladies, single or otherwise... could you please tell me what the @#$% this dude’s talking about? Do you really want to be settling your attainable adjustments?
  • I used to be recommended this blog via my cοusіn. I am not certaіn whetheг or not this publish іs written by him as nobody elѕe know ѕuch ѕpeсiаl about my ρroblеm. Yоu're amazing! Thanks!
      • If there’s one thing I’ve learned here, it’s that yes, you do have something special about your problem. Please, do me a favor — reminda me to punch your cousin right in the mouth.
  • Remarkable things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thank you a lot and I am looking forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a mail?
      • @#$% NO!

And that, my friends, is my pal Anonymous. See what you’ve been missing?

Okay, I have to go post this now and give Anonymous a chance to post witty, urbane comments on it.

...though chances are he’ll just toss me more buckets of mental phlegm like you see above.

Oh well.

Would you like to see more Anonymous comments sometime?

Yes? No? Maybe-so?

Please, why don’t you drop me a comment yourself and let me know what you think. Did you have a favorite? Do you have an answer for one of these of your own? 

Please, leave me a comment here at While You're Making Other Plans.


Pretty please?

Talk to you later!

Oh! And as a bonus for reading all the way down here, I give you this video I found while actually putting this post together that made me actually laugh tears:


1 comment:

  1. After I read this, I went to look at the blog comments my filter rejects & have decided that you have a much better, closer, more meaningful relationship with your pal, Anonymous. I can see I need to do some work to improve mine and will now be going through every comment myself. This was a fun read - I like how these comments start off in English but then descend into no kind of English anyone speaks!