Mail Bag! 5-3-2012

This is your last day to vote in my poll!  Two easy clicks to give me your opinion.

I'm just sayin'...

It's Mail Bag time again!

So, I'm going to choose a few items that appeared in my Junk Mail Folder in the past 30 days, and give you my 1st response to them. Off the top of my head. Just from looking at the Subject line, not actually opening them. It is all Junk Mail, after all...

• Digital Deals: "Who doesn't love the Slushy Magic?
• Me! Me! Over here! Can you see me waving my hand like it's on fire and I'm trying to put it out? That, that guy you're talking about -- that would be me.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Reader's Digest: "Immediate Response Requested"
  

• Okay, how about this: Go @%$# your @!^%$ with a @%&!! you bossy @$$! That 'immediate' enough for you?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• RealWritingJobs: "Rob, Do you want to get paid?"
  

• Well, yes, now that you mention it. Doesn't everybody? However... unless you are willing to pay me an enormous amount of money, just the fact that you are asking me that question means you're too dumb for me to want to work with you. If I want to work for Stupid, I can just stay right where I am, thank you very much!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• CRUISE DEALS: "REDUCED Caribbean Cruise Packages Available!"
  

• Unless by 'reduced' you mean 'free', keep walking. Floating. Whatever.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Sugar Daddy:  "Beautiful Women Seeking Wealthy Men"
  

• Okay, this one has to win the award for most up-front and honest line in advertising. The only way it could be even more honest would be if they said "Beautiful Women Seeking Wealthy Men Not Expected To Live Much Longer". The problem is, this is a little like telling a homeless guy he can get a new suit for just $100. New suits look nice, but he doesn't care. He'd rather have the $100. So would I.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Dental Plans: "Get a dental plan you can afford"
  

• I already have a dental plan I can afford. It's a three part plan.
       1 - Toothbrush
       2 - Toothpaste
       3 - Dental Floss
  'Nuff said.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Dog Food Coupons: "Find printable dog food coupons on top brands here."
  

• Okay people, I'd like to point something out to you all, something somewhat pertinent here:
       I don't have a dog.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Elementary School Teacher courses available: "Learn how to become a Elementary School Teacher" 




• But I already learned to become a Secondary School Teacher. An English Teacher, to be precise. That's why I feel I should point out that it's 'an Elementary School Teacher', not 'a Elementary School Teacher'. One uses a before words beginning with a consonant sound, and an before words beginning with a vowel sound. Now I'm going to assign you this extra worksheet as homework...
  
  
  

...and I think that's it from the month of April. I hope you got at least a little laugh.

 I know I did.

Talk to you later!